Kiss Goodbye (Final)

No, we didn't kiss goodbye at the front gate of my house.

Every inch of my body is gold, okay?! Duh~

Like you, I do feel a slight tint of guilt for nipping a supposedly wonderful relationship in the bud. But, I have no regrets.

We are still buddies. We chat with each other almost every friggin' day. Sometimes in person, sometimes via Skype. It all depends on which part of the globe he's in at that moment.

We talk about everything under the sun. From work-related discussion to gibberish like, "Wei, today I eat full got nothing to do. And I have started to wonder if my table in the KL office has sprouted with mushrooms or not. Can go and check for me ah?"

And most of the time, if I'm not too busy, I'll counter his silly question with the same kind of nonsense, "Mushrooms?! I thought it's a mini-rainforest tim!!! Wakakaka. Miss me jau said u miss me laa, need to go one big round to send the message across or not?! LOL."

"U ah? Miss geh especially when I see shit that time. Muahahahaha." is his usual reply. He can be quite gross at times.

Abuthen, I guess I am a very selfish person. I like this kind of pure and platonic friendship which grows and builds up slowly with a steady momentum. I don't like to jump into anything hastily. I like to observe and then decide. Lust and Love are two different entities which is separated by one thin line only. And I use my brain, and not brawn, to find out the answer. *winks*

There is a saying goes, let natural takes its course. Another word, if it's yours, it's yours. If we are meant to be together, we'll be together. There is no point to sigh over the what-ifs and what-nots. I'm contented with what I have and don't have. I'm comfortable with where I am right now. I rejoice at the freedom of Singlehood that no money can buy.

Because...

I don't have to compromise with anyone. I don't have to obey to anyone. I don't have to pretend that I like or don't like anyone. I don't have to serve anyone. I don't have to please anyone. I don't have to report to anyone.
(I only report to my boss. Well, that's totally beside the point.)

You see, the fact is that there are so many DesmondSss out there! One more is not more, one less is not less.

But...

This Desmond will forever have a special place in my heart. :)

The End.

Well, ahem, this is not really The End. We are still alive and our story is still being written everyday and everywhere. In an invisible diary. Of course. And how it'll end, I really don't know. *winks*

Ed note:
Please refrain yourself from asking me stuff about Desmond in real life because:
1) The guy standing next to me might be him. Or he might not be. The point is that I don't want ANYONE to get jealous over Desmond. And it can get quite embarrassing for everyone. I hope you understand.
2) His real name is not Desmond. Cheers.

Kiss Goodbye (Part 4)

I lost a bet to him and I had to treat him to a movie of his choice.

I was betting with him that the script written by him will not work on the system. But damn, it worked like a toot toot train!!! That guy is seriously smart. And we watched Mr Bean in MidValley.

On our way to the cinema, in his brand new open-top BMW, he turned and said to me enthusiastically, "Do you know that you are the first girl to sit in this car?"

In that split second, our eyes met and my heart started to beat like a sky rocket. I didn't expect this at all. My icy + lion-guarded heart melted a bit-bit.

Nevertheless, the rational side of me still refused to be beguiled by his sweet nothing.

"I feel so flattered. Seriously. But I can bet with you that I won't be the last one either." I drawled sarcastically.

"Ouch!" He grimaced and I could see the hurt in his eyes. I can be such a heartless bitch at times. Sigh...

Yeah I know. I want to slap myself with a large trout too. I am so cold-hearted can die. But I need to remind myself LOUDLY that I must not fall in love with a playboy who changes cars faster than his own pants.

"Sweetie, my job requires me to travel a lot. And you know that. I don't have the luxury to stay in one place long enough to get myself a steady gf." He defended himself matter-of-factly.

"Yes, I understand. I never doubt your ability to become a wonderful bf and a generous lover. But I do trust my instinct as a woman that you won't make a good lifetime partner." I dismissed him stubbornly. Trying damn 9 7 hard to convince myself otherwise.

Instead of getting mad at me, he grinned cheekily and teased, "Try me. You will never know if you don't give it a go."

My brain went blank. And I was totally speechless after that. All I can remember for the rest of the date was Bean, Laugh, More Bean, More Laugh, More-more Bean and More-more Laugh agaaaain. KNNCCB. So the confusing and messy like the Belacan Fruits Salad a.k.a. The Rojak.

On our way back, he said to me, "This is my favorite song. Listen and pay attention to the lyrics."

KISS GOODBYE

Baby不要再哭泣
这一幕多么熟悉
紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离
每一次想开口但不如保持安静
给我一分钟专心
好好欣赏你的美
幸福搭配悲伤
痛是在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
别把我心也带走
去跟随
每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦难以释怀
每一次 kiss you goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白
----
但欠你的我不能给
我才明白爱最真实的滋味
我终于明白

In English:

Baby please don't cry again, this scene is so familiar
Holding your hands tight, we don't want to be separated
Everytime I want to say something, I choose silence instead
I need a minute to take in your beauty

Felicity is accompanied by sorrow
The hurt pierced through my heart
The tears of letdown cannot be compared with the power of love
The love I gave you cannot be taken back
The love I owed you I can give no more (I wish to give you more!)
Please don't take away my heart with you too

Everytime we say goodbye
I'm deeply defeated by you
Everytime I abandon your embrace
The hurt engraves into my heart
Everytime I kiss you goodbye
I learn the meaning of love

But the love I owed you I can give no more (I wish to give you more!)
I finally understand what true love is

Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked away. I took a deep breath and whispered softly, "Desmond, it won't work. I like you as a friend, AND, as a colleague only."

He nodded his head slightly. Disappointment spread across his face. A deep silence ensued.

I don't know why but the Lee Hom's song kept on playing itself over and over again in the car. The journey home seemed to have stretched on forever and ever. Just like the song. No ending. Re-playing. Stuck. And getting restless by the second.

(To be continued...)

Kiss Goodbye (Part 3)

"Desmond, your table is over here. This is your notebook. And I've got you some stationary." interrupted Kirsten, our department's administrator, who is single and looks like Sum Tin Har's long lost twin.

"I'll Skype you in a while." He winked and walked away.

Too awe-struck to respond, I smiled and nodded my head.

Kirsten, on the other hand, had already smartly assigned Desmond to sit on her right and I on the left. Another word, her cubicle is in the middle, between Desmond's and mine. That woman damn 9 efficient can die.

At this moment, my boss skyped me...

Boss: "Hello there, how's everything?"
Titoki: "Good. Desmond's here already."
Boss: "Do you like him? "
Titoki: "He's okay. I think Kirsten likes him better."
Boss: "Poor her... not a chance in the world!"
Titoki: "You are mean. LOL."

Another chat window popped up, it's Desmond...

Desmond: "You want to go out for dinner tonight?"
Titoki: "Dinner? The current queue no. is 39535969."
Desmond: "Wow, am I lucky or what?"
Titoki: "Yeah, damn lucky can die. Let's do lunch. I can make the girls jealous and you can make the guys jealous. LOL."
Desmond: "Hahahaha. Darn. You are good. Start to admire you already."
Titoki: "Thank you. But you look like a girl to me."
Desmond: "I'll shave for you."
Titoki: "Don't. The toilet will tersumbat again. LOL."

Our relationship blossomed from that day onward in the context of our professional duties and our admiration for each other's intellectual capability and competency. We complement each other well. One leng lui and one leng jai. One talks crap and one writes crap. Good partnership.

But, we are not a couple.

That's because I don't allow it. I'm sorry, I am selfish. I don't want things to change between us. I treasure the beautiful working relationship that we're having. It's magical, yet fragile at the same time.

Then come one fine day...

(To be continued...)

Kiss Goodbye (Part 2)

On the first day he joined the company, I just got back from Sydney. He walked up to me and introduced himself, "Hi, I'm Desmond. And you must be my teammate Titoki."

I smiled and replied, "Yeah I'm Titoki. Welcome on board Desmond." I extended my hand, he held it firmly and we shook hands.

Eyes locked. Hands touched. I can see the unmistakably love-struck interest and admiration sparkling from his eyes.

Electrified. I pulled back my hand and cursed under my breath, "Damn, not another one!!!"

You see, my dear readers, I'm so used to having guys fall for me that I can easily identify a new lost soul when I see the 'same pattern' appears and repeats itself before my very own eyes.

Yeah, I know. I'm so full of myself. All guys fall in love with me at first sight. (Cough...) And that's the truth! (Cough again...) Bwahahahahaha.

Oh well, it really DOES boost a girl's ego to the roof to know that she has successfully smitten another guy to smithereens. Again. ;)

But, a very cold bead of sweat began to trickle down my back, slowly freezing nerve endings. I don't know why.

Is it his smile? The glint in his eyes? Or his aftershave?

I really don't know. I was jolted by the realization that I'm curious. About him. His past. His current. His future. And his everything just seems so interesting, so right, and so sexciting.

Anyway, he smells nice. Not sure if it's his aftershave or his cologne. But it is subtle yet persistent. Just like his mind-games and tactics.

And I fell for it hard.

(To be continued...)

Kiss Goodbye (Part 1)

The first time I met him, I didn't like him at all. Not even a bit-bit. He's considered passable-looking only by the 'Malaysian' standard.

Sorry folks, I have seen better. I'm super the fussy can die, ok?! *winks*

To me, he's just a copycat of Taiwanese teenage idol look-alike.

His killer ace is his dirty-blonde long hair that makes him stands out from the crowd. Coupled with his ability to charm girls as young as 5 to 50ish-year-old aunties in the pasar.

He is a sweet-talker. Enough said.

And the most unfortunate thing is that we are teammates.

My boss warned me about him when we were in Sydney, "Titoki, Desmond is joining the team. He's cute. Don't fall in love with him. I don't want to see anyone of you resign because of each other." Those were his parting words before he boarded his flight back to the US.

And I remember I replied something along the lines, "Don't worry boss. I'm already married to the company. Muahahaha..."

I was soooo confident of myself then.

(To be continued...)

Dear Santa... (Part 3)

Dear Titoki,

My favourite time of the year is almost here again and I can't wait for Christmas Eve! My little elves have been so busy over the past few weeks and right now they are loading up my sleigh with hundreds of sparkling new toys.

Mrs Claus and I have read and checked my list twice and we noticed that your name is at the top again. As a special treat I am going to make your house in KL one of the first ones I visit.

In your letter, you have asked for:

1) An Apple Nano, and,
2) Increase your 'cup' size.

You are such a thoughtful girl. The items which you have requested are readily available in North Pole here. HO~ HO~ HO~

Enclosed are:

1) Two freshly plucked RED Nano apples from my garden.
May has one but you've got TWO!!! *winks x 1*

2) Two magic Santa Cups from my wardrobe. One size fits all! *winks x 2*

Mrs Claus said that by giving you two apples, we can kill two birds with one stone. First bird, you want Apple Nano, you've got Apple Nano. Second bird, insert the apples into the Santa Cups and wear it like a bra, lychees will also look & feel like apples. *winks x 3*

Well I best get going as Mrs Claus is calling me for my dinner. So stay sweet and I will come back to see you next year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Lots of Love,
Santa Claus

P.S., Lucky the elves have found out and informed me early that your lychees are ngaam ngaam the size of their palms. Or else I wouldn't have known what kind of 'cup' to give it to you.

Ed note:
Sorry for the late update because Titoki bei Santa kek sei & bei the elves jar lan dou!!!

Dear Santa... (Part 2)

*GASP*

This morning I woke up, I found this lying on my bed.

Guess that humsup Santa Claus has molested visited me last night.

Girls & guys,

I NEED TO GO MEASURE MY BOOBS NOW!!!

Be right back. *Hiak Hiak Hiak*

Dear Santa... (Part 1)

Dear Santa,

I'm Titoki from Malaysia. I've been a very good girl this year, waiting and hoping for a white Christmas. Like the one we see on the Discovery Channel.

Some people are telling me that you are not real. But I don't believe them.

If you do exist, please help me to prove them wrong by making my wishes come true:

1) I want a red Apple Nano (like the one May has) for Christmas. Just in case if you don't know which brand it is, I have drawn you the Apple logo on the side of this letter. Please DO NOT get me the Windows one because it crashes all the time. Remember, it's a red apple. *winks x 1*

2) And also, please help me to make my Lychee boobs one cup bigger. I've enclosed a bra for you to make the necessary comparison and estimation so that you know what to get for me. *winks x 2*

Please write back. I love you so so so so much. Thank you and Merry X'mas!!!

Love,
Titoki

P.S., I don't have a chimney so I will leave my stocking near my bedpost for you.

Are you going to die soon?

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 3.
Click here for Part 4.

A lot of you have asked me why my mom didn't slap my cheebye aunts' faces.

Well, that is because my eldest uncle's wife kena slapped by these bitches once. Just because she talked back at them. Since then my eldest uncle's family has totally cut off any contact with my paternal uncles and aunties. Even on my grandfather's funeral, my eldest uncle's family didn't show up at all. My mom doesn't want us to be like them. That's why all these years she has been keeping her head cool when comes to dealing with my difficult cheebye aunts.

Furthermore, my mom is a no-nonsense steel lady. Summore she has a lot of brothers and sisters. If those bitches dare to touch a strand of my mom's hair, my maternal uncles and aunties will make sure all these bitches will die so fugly that their own husbands also cannot recognise them. ;p

Okay, let's go back to the topic.

My cheebye aunt whipped out her mobile phone and dialled my dad's number on the spot right under my mom's nose.

My mom looked at her incredulously. She said, "Your brother is in the pantry eating his brunch. If you take a walk further down this lane, you will be able to see him there."

"Ah Wah! Ah Wah!" My cheebye aunt quickly called out to her bro. Majiam those cheapskate madwomen in the pasar who like to bargain with the vendors. Summore call my dad like calling her own Ahmad driver liddat. I can bet with you that this woman has never learnt the word 'brother' in school before. Niasing!!!

Dad walked out from the pantry slowly and he drawled, "Meh Si?"

My cheebye aunt relayed the whole saga to my dad without any hesitation. Hoping that he will take pity on her failed marriage.

Before she could finish her sentences, dad said, "I need to go to the hospital now. Can you come back some other time?"

"You go hospital for what?" Cheebye aunt asked.

"I have a tumour in my nose. I need to go do radiotherapy now." Dad replied her gently.

"WHAT?! What did you just say?! Are you telling me that you have nose cancer?! OMG, are you going to die soon?!" She was so shocked that her face turned pale.

"Well, if you keep me in the way, then I might." Dad scorned.

"Oh~ NO!!! If you are going to die soon, then who is going to take care of mom?" Cheebye aunt blurted her thought out loud.

"Well, in that case, as you have already said so yourself, since I'm going to die soon, then mom of course has to trouble you already." Dad walked out of the place without giving her a second glance.

After dad's gone, cheebye aunt quickly grabbed my mom's arms and she asked her, "Is bro going to die soon?"

My mom looked at her in disbelief, paused and then she asked her back the same question, "Are YOU going to die soon?"

"Ngor CHOI! CHOI! CHOI! Dai kat lai see! Dai kat lai see!" Cheebye aunt flapped her arms and she walked out of mom's workplace without saying goodbye.

And that is also the last time the bitches barked at us.

~The End~

No one wants her anymore...

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 3.
Click here for Part 5.

All the aunties shut up at once. Because they didn't expect such a comeback from my mom.

And mom continued, "Listen, it's not possible for me to take care of anyone anymore."

"As you all know, I had my heart operated a few years back for a heart valve replacement procedure. Not to mention that until today I'm still on medication and I'm still not able to carry anything heavy. Even when I'm cooking now, I don't have the energy to stir-fry for a long period. Holding up a spatula has become quite a strenuous task to me these days. I can't even do things on my own, how am I suppose to take care of someone who is weaker than me?"

"Furthermore, all of us will be out of the house for study, work and business before dawn and go back to the house only after dusk. And hence, it's not feasible for us to have a maid at home everyday all day long alone."

"You might argue that if your mom comes to stay with us, I won't have to worry about having a maid at home alone. But my question to you is can you trust your old mom who is blind, diabetic, and mumbles a lot in the hands of a maid?"

My aunties turned around to look at each other. Dissatisfaction can be clearly seen on their cement thick make-up face.

"I can however employ a maid for anyone of you who is not working and willing to take care of her in your house. Food, medication, accommodation and any other expenses will be shared among the brothers. How about that?" Mom spoke again.

"NO!!!" They all rejected my mom's offer in a unanimous decision.

Without a ruffle, my mom said slowly, "Well, in that case, I'm sorry. We can't help you much."

"Tell you what, we are going to talk to your husband, our brother, regarding how disobedient you are." My youngest cheebye aunt retorted with a smug look on her face.

"Go ahead, be my guest." Mom smirked amusingly.

(To be continued...)

So filial liddat can die!!!

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 4.
Click here for Part 5.

"Did you make a police report against him?" Mom asked.

"No. He is my husband. If he's arrested, then I would not have any income. And if I have no money, then my kids and I would have nothing to eat." She reasoned.

"Okay, so what's your plan? What's the exact purpose of your visit here today?" Mom queried her intention sceptically.

"Actually, I... errr... would like to send mom (my paternal grandmother) to stay at your place permanently. So that my husband and I can have our privacy back. We want to spend more quality time with each other to improve the relationship."

Okay let's pause here for a few seconds. Before I continue further, let's get the whole picture right.

This is the SAME cheebye aunt who doesn't allow my paternal grandmother to be my mom's confinement caregiver when we were born. Here are the lame excuses given by her during those days when we were still babies:

1. I was born around the Chinese Hungry Ghost Festival.
She said to my grandma,
"Mom, you cannot go help them because Hungry Ghost Festival is a big festive occasion, need to prepare a lot of things to pray to the wandering ghosts and to our ancestors, my house needs you."

2. My 1st sis was born around Moon Cake Festival.
She said to my grandma,
"Mom, you cannot go help them because Moon Cake Festival is a big festive occasion, need to prepare a lot of things to pray to the moon, my house needs you."

3. My baby sis was born around New Year time.
She said to my grandma,
"Mom, you cannot go help them because Chinese New Year is around the corner, need to prepare a lot of things and do spring cleaning, my house needs you."

Even sometimes when my mom needs someone to babysit us just for a few hours, my cheebye aunt will say, "Cannot. Who is going to take care of my kids then?"

And hence, it's always my maternal grandma from Kampar who will drop everything off her shoulders to come take care of my mom and us everytime we need a hand.

So you see, my dad's sis, the aforementioned cheebye aunt of mine whom I suspect has the most loose cheebye on earth, is a selfish and self-centred bitch who prohibits others to 'share' her mother when she is capable. Now that my paternal grandma has become old and less agile, she is using her husband's infidelity in the pretext to push her back to us. Very smart isn't she?

And the worst part is the rest of my CHEEBYE aunts are ALL standing by her side. They ALL agreed that it's my mom's turn to take care of my paternal grandma. They ALL pointed their finger at my mom and they ALL said in unison, "You have never take care of mom before. Now it's your turn. If you don't accept her with open arms, then you are not a filial person."

My mom rolled her eyes and she asked softly, "Excuse me. Do you know what filial piety is? Do you consider yourself a filial daughter when you yourself don't want your own mother when she is old?"

(To be continued...)

Ms KNNCCB

Click here for Part 1.
Click here for Part 3.
Click here for Part 4.
Click here for Part 5.

One day, Mrs Rich came to see my mom in her workplace. For someone who has never ever put her own elder brother's family members in her eyes, she bothered to purposely drop by to say hi. So overwhelming liddat can die!!!

Well, if you think that she is feeling remorseful towards her own actions and attitude, then you are dead wrong.

"Lian!" She called out to my mom from afar, like calling her own maid liddat. Niamapuki.

This woman has never greeted my mom as 'sis' to show her respect that my mom is her elder brother's wife. She likes to call my mom by her first name. Summore FOREVER pronounces it wrongly. My mom's name is "Lynn" but she calls her "Lian" all the friggin' time. Real KNNCCB.

Never mind that. Let's continue the story...

"Ah Lian!" She yelled again. Worry my mom cannot hear her cheebye voice liddat.

"Yes?" My mom acknowledged her presence with a hint of sarcasm in her tone.

"Oh, I just want to come see you and your... errr... office." Ms KNNCCB looked around the place with 'interest'. She then proceeded to pull out a chair from my mom's table and sat in front of her.

"And?" A cynical frown spread across my mom's face.

"Well you see, let me be honest with you." She took down her sunglasses and showed mom the bruise on her left eye.

"My husband is keeping a mistress outside. The woman has given birth to a baby girl recently and they wanted to get married. I argued with him and he hit me in front of the children." She said in between sobs.

(To be continued...)

She is an investment with no return

Click here for Part 2.
Click here for Part 3.
Click here for Part 4.
Click here for Part 5.

My paternal side of the family are a sexist and discriminational bunch. We have three girls in the family. None of my dad's immediate family members bother to mingle with us when we were young because we are girls and we were poor.

These so-called aunties and uncles of mine will go to the length to stop their mom (my paternal grandmother) to visit or baby-sit us. In their eyes, we are like dirt. Some have never ever stepped inside our house before. And we are not welcome into theirs either.

Looking aback, I have never really got the chance to know my paternal grandparents well. I have never ever spent a single Chinese New Year holidays with them in my life. And the first time I had dinner with my cousins, aunties and uncles on the same table was during my own grandpa's funeral. How sad.

I still remember the time when they found out that my mom is sending me to study in overseas, my youngest auntie remarked, "Titoki is just a daughter. What's the point of spending so much money to send a girl to study in overseas? Isn't that a waste of money? You see, girls are going to marry eventually. And once they are married, they are like the water which you have splashed out from your pail. Another word, it's an investment with no return."

OUCH.

This youngest auntie of mine is very the terror one. She married a filthy rich man. They have two kids (one boy, one girl), two dogs, two maids and two BIG cars. And they live in a super rich VVIP private estate in the area of PJ. She doesn't need to work and her husband gives her RM3k cash to spend every month. Not to mention the gold & platinum credit cards inside her LV and Gucci.

Well, that was before.

(To be continued...)