Top 10 Mothers-in-law from Hell
One way or another, women have the ability to create conflicts and disharmony at any given time, day and place. They also have the ability to amend broken records at any given time, day and place, especially when they know that their status and position are being compromised.
Women are the competitive lot. Catfight and bitchiness are inborn and inbuilt. Trust me when I said that these are the two subjects which women don’t need to study but STILL can pass with flying colours.
It seems like I’m biting my own tongue and slapping my own face when I write up a post like this. But really I am not. I am merely jotting down my views and observations on the women in my life, their relationships and their social behaviour.
And the following is a summary of my personal acumen on the said topic:
1. The Compare-Me Group
This kind of MIL likes to compare everything and anything from raising kids, cooking, dancing and singing. She especially likes to compare herself with your mother. The worst part is she wants you to agree that she is a better mother than your own mother.
Example:
“Your mom’s ‘White Chop Chicken’ tastes better or mine one tastes better?”
Advisable response:
“Ma, you can cook very well.” + give her a saccharine smile even though you feel like screaming, “My mom’s cooking will always tastes better than yours, BIAAATCH!!!”
2. The Stand-Between-Me Group
This kind of MIL has a lot of opinions to give. She likes to butt in between you and your hubby and give her two cents worth on anything and everything that you guys choose or buy. If you don’t accept her advice, she will give you the grim look.
Example:
“This furniture set is so much better than the one just now. Even though it looks a bit old-fashioned but the price is definitely cheaper.”
Advisable response:
Just smile only even though you feel like slapping her cheebye face for interfering. And please do not nod your head in agreement or else your husband will get the wrong message that you like the furniture too.
3. The Feign-Me Group
She is an A-list actress who can be nominated for an Oscar. She likes to act and exaggerate. She will not hesitate to tell the whole world, especially your husband, that you had pushed her down the staircase when in fact you had accidentally feather-brushed her shoulders only when you walked past her in the kitchen doorway five minutes ago.
Example:
“Your wife tried to kill me just now!”
Advisable response:
Just keep quiet only. If your husband understands his own mother, he will not take in her bull shit. But if he doesn’t, it’s time to look for a lawyer.
4. The Pity-Me Group
She likes people to take pity on her. She will act as if she has not been well-fed or well-cared. She likes to call you up during office hours for no particular reason but to beg for your attention only.
Example:
“Siti gave me overnight rice and dishes for lunch. Now I’m feeling woozy and sick.”
Advisable response:
“Do you want me to come home and fetch you to the hospital now?” 99.99% of the time she will say NO because:
1) She just wants your attention only, and
2) Old people are usually afraid of seeing doctors and/or being tested by the medical ‘equipments’.
5. The Deceit-Me Group
This is by far the most scheming bunch of MILs in the world. They are the hardest and the toughest ones to crack and tackle. She is all smiles and friendly in front of you. Her immaculate facade will make you conclude that she is the nicest woman which you have ever met in your life. But then, when you are not looking, she’s stabbing you left, right and centre. Only at your deathbed that you realise how underhand she is.
Example:
She will proclaim, “My son is SOOO lucky to have you as his wife.” But once you have turned your back, she will say, “That wicked woman has tricked my son into marrying her by getting into his pants.”
Advisable response:
There is none as you have already been ‘eliminated’ from the GAME by the time you have managed to sniff her out.
6. The Fake-Me Group
She is pretty fake but she is also rather… harmless. She pretends that she likes you and all but the truth is she doesn’t. She is harmless in a sense that she doesn’t have the guts to influence his son to disown you because:
1) You contribute to the household income.
2) Her son is not a mommy’s boy.
Example:
When you give her a scarf she will smile and say, “This scarf is so nice. I can match it with the red dress which you have bought for me the other day.” But then, she will never ever wear it. Instead, she will go and hide the two garments somewhere in her closet.
Advisable response:
Next time ask your husband to pass the gifts to her personally. That way, she will have no choice but to wear it for her darling son to see.
7. The Me-Two-Face Group
She will tell you how good, how generous, how modern and how open-minded she is. But in reality she is not. She is just an old-fashioned outdated traditionalist.
Example:
She will say, “I don’t mind to have either a grandson or a granddaughter because both are also my grandchildren.” But after saying that, she will quickly go and pray to the ancestors that you will give birth to a cute cute fat fat BOY for the family.
Advisable response:
Tell her that the gender of a baby is determined by the father’s sperms. She will die right there and then.
8. The Me-Double-Standard Group
She doesn’t like you or her own son much because you guys are not rich and you guys have girls only. Another word, no contribution to the family = not welcome.
Example:
“Why you two eat so much one? Siti, go save up some dishes for Ah Chong so that when he comes back later tonight, he got supper to eat.”
Advisable response:
You should thank the Lord that she doesn’t like the both of you much. So stay out of her way and live your own lives.
9. The Ensnare-Me Group
She has the ability to convince. She has the ability to sway. She has the ability to make the people around her especially her son, your husband, to believe in every single word that she had said. And very unfortunately, your husband will ALWAYS fall into her traps. Why? Because he’s the only son and his relationship with his mother is very close.
Example:
“Your wife gave me overnight dishes to eat when you are outstation. She even treated me as an invisible when you are not around. When will you come back to rescue me, son?"
Advisable response:
If your stupid husband really believes in her unwarranted accusations against you, DON'T THINK, just pack and leave at once.
10. The Me-Butt-Itchy Group
She is fussy and her butt is constantly itchy. She likes to whine and complain from A to Z. Her favourite pastime is to do spot check on people (just like how you like to keep checking and refreshing my blog every second). When she doesn’t get the things that she wants, she will kick up a fuss and throw her tantrums at your poor husband.
Example:
“Your wife played with the computer the whole day today. She doesn’t even bother to cook rice for me to eat. I had soup noodles for lunch only. Is she trying to starve me or what?!”
Advisable response:
For her next meal, feed her a bowl of maggots for a change.
Does your mother-in-law look like his?
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