今天Titoki要示範"打小人"的儀式給大家看!

Dear class,

I believe many of you had been bothered, annoyed or bullied by petty people in your life before. And thus, I would like to introduce you a traditional Chinese ritual called Ta Siu Yan.

Ta Siu Yan is a short ceremony practised primarily by the Cantonese Chinese in Hong Kong. Ta means "To beat". And Siu Yan means "Petty person", which is antithetical of Kwai Yan, "Honourable person".

Therefore, those who are harmful to the ego are considered as the "petty persons", whereas those who are beneficial to the ego are considered as the "honourable persons".

The main objective of the ritual is to eliminate the undesirable influence of the "petty person", while invoking aid from the "honourable person" for the ritual's recipient, who may or may not be the performer of the ritual.

In Hong Kong, you can easily find a professional petty-person-beater on the streets to perform the ritual for you. But in Malaysia, you will have to do it on your own.

And today, your beloved Ms Titoki is going to show you an unorthodox way to perform the Ta Siu Yan ritual for your own benefit.

1) Prepare a pen, paper, and a pair of scissor.

2) Draw a big fat fugly tortoise on the paper.

3) Cut out the tortoise.

4) Write down the petty person's name at back of the tortoise.

5) Search for a badly worn-out shoe. The higher the heel, the better the effect.

6) Make sure it stinks like the salted fish too.

7) Go somewhere shady and beat the tortoise out of its shell.

Please do not forget to mutter the following chants while you are at it:
打你個乌龟頭，等你有氣冇頂透，日日去撼頭。
Da nei geh wu kwai tau, dang nei yau hei mou teng tau, yat yat hooi hum tau.
打你個乌龟面，等你含家中非典，成世都犯賤。
Da nei geh wu kwai mien, dang nei hum ka jung fei dim, seng sai dou farn jin.
打你個乌龟眼，等你成世都撞版，日日俾人斬。
Da nei geh wu kwai ngan, dang nei seng sai dou jong barn, yat yat bei yan jarm.
打你個乌龟耳，等你日日痾爛屎，敏屎用手指。
Da nei geh wu kwai yi, dang nei yat yat oh lan si, mun si yung sou ji.
打你個乌龟咀，等你老母變老舉，日日俾人隊。
Da nei geh wu kwai jui, dang nei lou mou bien lou gui, yat yat bei yan dui.
打你個乌龟頸，等你周身都性病，花柳兼淋病。
Da nei geh wu kwai geng, dang nei zau sun dou shing beng, fa lau kim lam beng.
打你個乌龟胸，等你非典兼中風，後門俾人通。
Da nei geh wu kwai hoong, dang nei fei dim kim jung fung, hau moon bei yan tung.
打你個乌龟手，等你有錢唔識收，有樓變揸兜。
Da nei geh wu kwai sao, dang nei yau chien mm sek sou, yau lau bien za dau.
打你個乌龟腳，等你日日敷中藥，有腳冇鞋著。
Da nei geh wu kwai geok, dang nei yat yat fu jung yeok, yau geok mou hai jeok.
打你個乌龟肚，等你好心冇好報，日日俾人告。
Da nei geh wu kwai tou, dang nei hou sum mou hou bou, yat yat bei yan gou.
打你個小陽具，等你成世都不舉，有女冇得隊。
Dai nei geh siu yeong gooi, dang nei seng sai dou bat gui, yau lui mou dak dui.

老实說，就这样子發泄出了气，又完全不侵犯别人，還真不错嘛。;)

Class dismiss!

Disclaimer:
1) Kids, please do not try this at home.
2) No tortoises were harmed during the making of this post.
3) No money back guarantee that the ritual will work for everyone.