不孝 2
It's Mother's Day today. We went to dine in a restaurant called De Foodland somewhere in Bandar Manjalara. It's less than 15 min drive from my house on a good day.
Their main dish is crabs.
We ordered their famous creamy cheese crabs. It looks kind of yucky because the melted cheese looks like the baby poo but the taste is nice.
We also ordered the peppered salted crabs. The crabs are fresh and the meat is sweet. Yummy!
Assam Pedas fish.
Lemon chicken.
Some tofu, abalone and veges.
Long beans.
It's a satisfying meal. Mom and dad enjoyed it very much.
Total damage: RM 200.00 for 7 people.
Ah Pek wrote a mind-boggling post on Good Husband, Unfilial Son or Vice Versa which has inadvertently triggered me to write up this post on filial piety. Now you guys can blame it on Ah Pek for my long-winded post below. *wink wink*
According to the Wikipedia online, Filial Piety (Chinese:孝 ; Mandarin: Xiào; Cantonese: Haau) is considered as first virtue among Chinese people: a love and respect for one's parents and ancestors.
Now, the fundamental question is:
I've posted some very mind-provoking questions to Ah Pek in regards to his post on the subject:
TITOKI: What if the family doesn't have sons (and hence they won't have any daughter-in-laws), so who are going to take care of the old folks then?
AH PEK: If there are no sons, then it's the daughter's duty. Very clear cut. If the daughters have commitments of taking care of their In Laws, which should always be their first priority, then the nursing home for their aged parents will be best.
TITOKI: That's a very interesting theory that you have there. Just dump the responsibilities onto your wife and that's it. What makes you think that you are any less son to your wife's parents? Why don't you send your own parents to the nursing home instead?
AH PEK: Nobody said about dumping the responsibilities to the wife. The responsibility will always be with the son. My only hope is that the wife will support his husband in fulfilling his duty whole-heartedly. If my wife is the only daughter and she has no brothers, I too will not complain if she goes all out to take care of her own parents. But if there are brothers and sis-in-laws around, I will definitely not encourage her, but then don't get me all wrong. I won't forbid her.
TITOKI: Why is it always the daughter-in-law's responsibilities to take care of the husband's parents? (The parents BELONG to ALL the children!)
AH PEK: Because when you marry your husband, you carry his family name. You bear the family lineage. His sisters have their own responsibilities towards their own In Laws. That's the way things work for the Chinese. It's all fair and square.
TITOKI: Correct me if I'm wrong, you marry a woman because she can take care of your parents when they are old? If that's the case, then why not you marry an Indonesian maid instead? Please remember that the old lady in question is YOUR mother and she's YOUR SIBLINGS' mother too, and thus the responsibilities should fall onto you and your siblings first. If you are lucky, you might get a wife who is willing to take on the roles to take care of your parents but please remember that this duty is not and cannot be bound onto your wife as if she was born to do this. My dear Ah Pek, it will never be all fair and square if the mindset of the general Malaysian CHINESE does not change.
AH PEK: I didn't get married for the sole reason that my wife can take care of my parents. I married her because I love her. I only hope she can treat and take care of my parents as she would to her own parents. The day she married me, she married into this responsibility. I don't ill treat her at all. I try to give her the best I can afford. I treat her like a queen. I give in to all her arguments. She has her way 99% of the time. In fact, I spoil her rotten.
TITOKI: Women are not family slaves. They are human with emotions and feelings. And I believe that they too will not like to see their parents being sent away to an old folks home, just like how you men WANT your OWN parents to be taken care at home because of filial piety. As a female with only daughters at home, I do hope that my future husband will understand and accept my family as his just like how I understand and accept his family as mine. It takes two to tango.
AH PEK: That was what I was trying to say all this while. And bingo! You are my kind of woman.
TITOKI: Do you know why this kind of problem never exists with the Mat Sallehs?
AH PEK: Because Mat Sallehs don't subscribe to the word filial piety. Their way of thinking is that they don't owe their parents anything. They can say a million "I love you" to their parents, and that's it! As soon as they are old enough to be independent, they move out. The responsibilities of taking care of their aged parents are then taken over by the government nursing homes.
TITOKI: The Mat Sallehs do not have this kind of issues because they don't get married to produce kids and HOPING that they will take care of them when they are old. They pack and move in to the old folks' home by themselves when they are ready. If they are rich, they might opt to travel around the world a bit.
AH PEK: I agree with the fact about the Mat Sallehs. But sorry to say, I was not brought up that way. The situation in Malaysia doesn't allow us to be that way. We certainly don't have quality nursing homes here sponsored by the government.
Well Ah Pek, maybe it's about time that we think outside the square and change. If we don't make the first move, who will? If we remain in the same place and on the same spot, the Chinese preference of producing sons as heirs and female discrimination issues will never go away in our society.
What say you?
Ohh... And I forget to ask Ah Pek this question:
LOL!!! ;p
Cheers.
Related post: 不孝
Ed note: I want to wish Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!!! :)
Total damage: RM 200.00 for 7 people.
********************
Ah Pek wrote a mind-boggling post on Good Husband, Unfilial Son or Vice Versa which has inadvertently triggered me to write up this post on filial piety. Now you guys can blame it on Ah Pek for my long-winded post below. *wink wink*
According to the Wikipedia online, Filial Piety (Chinese:孝 ; Mandarin: Xiào; Cantonese: Haau) is considered as first virtue among Chinese people: a love and respect for one's parents and ancestors.
Now, the fundamental question is:
How do you define filial?
I've posted some very mind-provoking questions to Ah Pek in regards to his post on the subject:
TITOKI: What if the family doesn't have sons (and hence they won't have any daughter-in-laws), so who are going to take care of the old folks then?
AH PEK: If there are no sons, then it's the daughter's duty. Very clear cut. If the daughters have commitments of taking care of their In Laws, which should always be their first priority, then the nursing home for their aged parents will be best.
TITOKI: That's a very interesting theory that you have there. Just dump the responsibilities onto your wife and that's it. What makes you think that you are any less son to your wife's parents? Why don't you send your own parents to the nursing home instead?
AH PEK: Nobody said about dumping the responsibilities to the wife. The responsibility will always be with the son. My only hope is that the wife will support his husband in fulfilling his duty whole-heartedly. If my wife is the only daughter and she has no brothers, I too will not complain if she goes all out to take care of her own parents. But if there are brothers and sis-in-laws around, I will definitely not encourage her, but then don't get me all wrong. I won't forbid her.
TITOKI: Why is it always the daughter-in-law's responsibilities to take care of the husband's parents? (The parents BELONG to ALL the children!)
AH PEK: Because when you marry your husband, you carry his family name. You bear the family lineage. His sisters have their own responsibilities towards their own In Laws. That's the way things work for the Chinese. It's all fair and square.
TITOKI: Correct me if I'm wrong, you marry a woman because she can take care of your parents when they are old? If that's the case, then why not you marry an Indonesian maid instead? Please remember that the old lady in question is YOUR mother and she's YOUR SIBLINGS' mother too, and thus the responsibilities should fall onto you and your siblings first. If you are lucky, you might get a wife who is willing to take on the roles to take care of your parents but please remember that this duty is not and cannot be bound onto your wife as if she was born to do this. My dear Ah Pek, it will never be all fair and square if the mindset of the general Malaysian CHINESE does not change.
AH PEK: I didn't get married for the sole reason that my wife can take care of my parents. I married her because I love her. I only hope she can treat and take care of my parents as she would to her own parents. The day she married me, she married into this responsibility. I don't ill treat her at all. I try to give her the best I can afford. I treat her like a queen. I give in to all her arguments. She has her way 99% of the time. In fact, I spoil her rotten.
TITOKI: Women are not family slaves. They are human with emotions and feelings. And I believe that they too will not like to see their parents being sent away to an old folks home, just like how you men WANT your OWN parents to be taken care at home because of filial piety. As a female with only daughters at home, I do hope that my future husband will understand and accept my family as his just like how I understand and accept his family as mine. It takes two to tango.
AH PEK: That was what I was trying to say all this while. And bingo! You are my kind of woman.
TITOKI: Do you know why this kind of problem never exists with the Mat Sallehs?
AH PEK: Because Mat Sallehs don't subscribe to the word filial piety. Their way of thinking is that they don't owe their parents anything. They can say a million "I love you" to their parents, and that's it! As soon as they are old enough to be independent, they move out. The responsibilities of taking care of their aged parents are then taken over by the government nursing homes.
TITOKI: The Mat Sallehs do not have this kind of issues because they don't get married to produce kids and HOPING that they will take care of them when they are old. They pack and move in to the old folks' home by themselves when they are ready. If they are rich, they might opt to travel around the world a bit.
AH PEK: I agree with the fact about the Mat Sallehs. But sorry to say, I was not brought up that way. The situation in Malaysia doesn't allow us to be that way. We certainly don't have quality nursing homes here sponsored by the government.
Well Ah Pek, maybe it's about time that we think outside the square and change. If we don't make the first move, who will? If we remain in the same place and on the same spot, the Chinese preference of producing sons as heirs and female discrimination issues will never go away in our society.
What say you?
Ohh... And I forget to ask Ah Pek this question:
What if all the sons in the family are ALL GAY and got no daughters,
then how?
then how?
LOL!!! ;p
Cheers.
Related post: 不孝
Ed note: I want to wish Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there!!! :)
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